Can I Be You?

“Can I be you when I grow up?” the lady at the gas station asked because she drooled over my little foreign sports car. She made me laugh. It feels good to be envied.

But if she only knew! I have been at the extreme opposite end of the feeling. I remember driving my teenage son’s old station wagon while the family car was having engine repairs. His sister would scrunch down in the passenger seat when the big old hunk of junk would backfire, puff smoke and die at inopportune moments. One day a frustrated motorist shouted, “Fix it or park it, lady!”

Station Wagon

Driving a Big White House Shoe

We both felt near tears but we laughed instead and said we were driving a big, white house shoe.

Pride and humiliation—I wonder if they are innate in us or if they’re learned.

Our parents teach us to take pride in our accomplishments and feel disappointment and embarrassment when we fail. Or perhaps they merely encourage what is already there.

School teachers use pride and shame to encourage good behavior and study. The very system of grading supports comparison of ourselves to other students. Maybe even class “show and tell” gets us started on that path.

Advertisers encourage this thinking, of course, in order to sell goods and services. They know everyone wants to throw the ball like a sports hero, cook like a professional chef, look like a model, and charm like a movie star. Owning what our heroes own or recommend is surely the way to be enviable.

Some of the newest advertising uses shame as well, portraying young people whispering behind someone’s back. Human imagination convinces us we could be the subject of secret derision if we don’t use that product, drive that vehicle or wear that brand.

We are not allowed to see the heartache involved, the plastic surgery, clothes altering, photo airbrushing, contract negotiations or legal wrangling that goes on behind product promotions. We only see what they want us to see.

The same is true of my beautiful car. Success is the finished product you see. You are not allowed to see my fourteen-hour days behind the counter at Quik Trip, hauling rocks up the side of a mountain, living in the back of an office or driving the big, white house shoe.

If that young lady who was jealous of my car could have known the path I’ve walked, would she have been willing to trade places with me? Or would she have said, “No, thank you! I’ll keep the life I’m comfortable with”?

Audi TT

Audi TT looks like success

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Growly Bushes

Dense woods

Dense woods get a little scary…when they growl

A low, threatening growl emanated from the underbrush, halting my trek through the woods. Not sure if the sound was real or imagined, I drew my pistol from the holster and moved one foot through the dry, crunchy leaves.

Grrrrrr. Definitely real; most definitely close enough to make me break out in a sweat. Now I stood motionless in a shooter’s crouch, my feet too far apart to feel comfortable on the rocky forest floor, my gun pointed at a clump of greenery. Each time I tried to move my feet, I was threatened by another deep growl from the bush.

Shooter's Stance

Right or not, when I need to shoot suddenly, my knees bend

Though I stared long and hard, I could discern no movement and no variance in color to give me a clue as to what was hiding less than three feet away.

My body was frozen in place; my mind was going ninety miles an hour. I thought about just firing into the bushes but then I thought if it was a bear this would only provoke it. I imagined being mauled by an angry bear with a .38 slug in its foot.

The growl sounded like a dog to me, so maybe it was a coyote. Only bigger. Maybe it was a wolf. Were there wolves around here?

Why would a wolf hide in the bush? Maybe it was injured. Perhaps it had just given birth. I didn’t want to kill a mother!

What if it was the neighbor’s dog, a huge half-Saint Bernard mongrel who ran loose and enjoyed being a territorial bully. What if he was rabid?

What if it was my husband, pulling a prank? I didn’t want to shoot my husband!

I decided to warn the growler. “I have a gun and I will shoot you!” That didn’t send anyone scrambling from the undergrowth. It didn’t even elicit a growl. I decided to talk some more.

“What’s wrong? Why are you hiding? Are you hurt? I won’t hurt you. I just want to go on my way…” I don’t remember all the nonsense out of my adrenaline-crazed brain but I think my tone got softer.

I survived. But to this day I remain a little surprised at my reluctance to pull the trigger on the unknown menace in the bush.

Our reactions to new, foreign, scary and unfamiliar things can vary widely. Some of us react without thinking things through. Some of us (like me) think so long the opportunity to react (good or bad) passes us by. Some people run; some pull the trigger and run; some talk sweet through their sweat and fear.

Usually the thing we fear is just as afraid of us as we are of it. The people who intimidate are terrified and their false front is to make sure we stay three feet away.

My walk in the woods turned out okay except I’ll never know what growled at me. I will probably continue to talk sweet to growly bushes. Hey, it works!

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Two-Dollar Plant

In January, I bought an English Primrose at the grocery store. They were only two dollars, and so pretty, blooming in a variety of colors and in cheap plastic pots to match the blooms. I picked yellow because it made me feel cheery in the middle of winter’s gloom.

Two dollar plant

For two dollars, I’ll enjoy it while it lasts

When I bought this, I said, “I’ll probably kill it but for two dollars, I will enjoy it while it lasts.” I also put it in the category of cut flowers for a vase–beauty for a moment.

Now it is May and my little two-dollar plant lives on. As a matter of fact, the last blossom is starting to fade after four months of flowers. What a bargain!

Now I have to decide if my investment should be thrown away (Who wants a pot of leaves?) or invested in further by picking a spot and planting it outdoors, watering it all summer, protecting it all winter and generally fertilizing and fretting over it for all of its natural life.

I am of the old-school when it comes to throwing things away. I still have my first potato masher, given to me in 1972. It’s American-made stainless steel and will surely outlast me.

The new school of thought is that things should be made as cheaply as possible, look good but be replaced every few months. That way, one always has a shiny new thing.

I would rather have quality stuff that is made to last. I am distressed whenever a relatively new thing breaks or is lost. I expected to have it in service for thirty years or more!

I feel almost the same way about relationships. When misunderstandings occur and feelings get hurt, I do my best to mend things, patch them up and make things last forever. Unlike a broken kitchen utensil or a spent flower, the other people have something to say about it. If they’d rather throw the relationship away than to invest time and emotion into making it last, there’s little I can do to save it.

I see my grandkids dismissing people from their lives, left and right. “Who needs toxic relationships?” they say. Or, “Accept me the way I am or disappear.” It seems they are always naming a new BFF or a new lover/boyfriend/fiancé.

I wonder what they’d do with a two-dollar primrose. I think I’ll plant mine and see how it goes. Maybe it will bloom again next spring.

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Green!

I heard the weatherman say March first begins “meteorological spring” here in Texas. I wasn’t sure all that implied but, after living here seven years, I am inclined to agree: the last of February always greens up like early spring.

When it rains (which is a big deal) the earth turns loose of its pungent mold waiting to escape and scent the air with nature’s patchouli. Green is just a few hours away!

Alfalfa in mountains

Alfalfa fields speak life to me

In late February this year we drove south to Austin and the alfalfa fields were gloriously green. The hedges were blooming, even roses. I’ve been to Galveston in mid-winter, so I am confident they have green palm trees and their oleanders are blooming all winter.

I love flowers, even the tiny little things that bloom in the grass: dandelions, Venus’ looking glass, grape hyacinths, violets, dianthus, sedum, gill-over-the-ground, blue-eyed grass and chickweed. They all signal spring is near.

In winter, when the world is mostly gray and white and brown, even olive looks cheery. But the pines and cedars and cypress put on new, bright shades when warm spring rains invigorate them.

The thing that lightens my heart the most is green grass. There is something revitalizing about the color green. Nothing looks lusher than bright emerald fields. Even the wild buffalo grass brightens my mood when its color perks up from winter’s yellowing.

I wonder if children and animals feel livelier when they see green or if it is a psychological effect that is learned?

To me, green sends a message of new life, energy, fertility and at the same time, soothing calmness, relief and success.

God named the first month of the year Abib, which is Hebrew for “green shoot” or “green ears of grain.” That’s a little like the English word “spring” as in “spring forth.” If I had been consulted, I think I would have called it “Green”!

 

Read more on the psychology of green (and other colors) here: https://www.verywell.com/color-psychology-green-2795817

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Persuasive Words

Have you ever shared information and had the intended recipient turn on you with a defensive tone? And then days later (or weeks or months) heard or seen that person sharing that very information with someone else or putting it into practice? I have.

It is quite gratifying to realize the power of your persuasive words. And when it happens to me, it is almost always a surprise.

Depending on the initial response, I typically think I’m not very good at communicating. Misunderstandings happen all too often. Sometimes, even though I’m a better-than-average writer, I think there is no power in my pen at all.

When those gratifying moments come, when I realize I did get my point across–that person did hear me and receive my helpful words–I tend to make light of it because of the delayed response.

That’s human nature: we focus on the negative and shrug off the positive. So I’m writing down positive words today.

A certain person did not like my suggestion about how to put the liner in the trash can. That person defensively told me he had his own way of doing it. This week that adorable person put the liner in correctly (i.e. the way I suggested) and my faith in the mighty power of persuasive words has been restored.

That said, and believed, and recorded, (and laughed about) we ought to be careful with words, both those we speak and those we hear. Words have brought down nations, started wars, ended wars and dissolved marriage vows. The words we allow in our heads can build us up or tear us down. They’ve even been known to drive a person to take his own life.

Sometimes when we feel torn down at the end of a long day, we simply need to hear some positive, build-up words and remember our successes.

A couple of people lately have told me I’m “bubbly,” “always upbeat regardless of circumstances,” and “caring.” I’ve also heard I’m a “good hostess.” I’m writing those down! The Good Lord knows about all the negative ones that will pop in my head from time to time.

Bulwer-lytton quote

Indeed, ’tis true!

Readers might also want to read some words about the power of the public press. I think it’s a good reminder. Blog: Who Is Everybody?/2013/10/15/289/

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The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Caveat and Disclaimer: Dan says from now on I need to run these by him before I publish! LOL!

Almost all of us love the good, detest the bad and avoid the ugly, I think. Good people and good actions make us want to embrace the human condition. Bad or evil people frighten us or make us angry, depending on how much power they have. But ugly often simply makes us turn away. We don’t want to look at it or even be reminded it exists.

The whole truth is, we all have some of these three traits. If we could look at ourselves honestly, good people are only mostly good and there is good to be found in the ugliest hearts.

All that taken into account, I think my husband is one of the best! He is a good man. He is also pleasant to look at. I am blessed with the good and he’s not ugly.

But even a good man can have some bad moods. He can be surly, sometimes for no apparent reason. He will lash out at the person closest to him. He can be mean and he can be ugly.

I hear my single friends bemoaning their single states but with a caveat like, “She must sign a pre-nup divesting her interest in my house,” or “I won’t put up with a guy who throws his clothes in the floor.” I think they don’t understand the commitment required for marriage! Not that there is anything wrong with having these understandings up front, but what about the next uncomfortable scenario?

Wedding vows are important to get us through the times when we are ugly to one another. “For better, for worse; in sickness and in health…”

It’s sort of like a contract signed with a business partner to guarantee one of you can’t skip out when stocks take a downturn. Because you are signed on for a certain period of time, you are forced to ride it out and you benefit when things look up. It’s a commitment for the long-term and it makes you work hard toward the success of the business venture. If there is a flood or a fire or simply a bad mistake by the company accountant, you work to fix it.

The analogy isn’t perfect because wedding vows don’t typically include a breach clause spelling out the repercussions of quitting, like getting sued for the harm caused the company, forfeiting your capital and so forth. But neither are the proposed benefits spelled out, such as a 20% profit in the fourth year.

Marriage is all done “on faith,” supposing you to be a person of your word. That’s why it is important to really know and understand the person you marry, perhaps to seek the advice of people who know him and know you.

What may be even more important is realization and acceptance of the fact we can all be good, we can all be bad and we can all be ugly. It’s part of the human condition.goodbadugly_140pyxurz

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Falling Off Sideways

Segway gear

All that protective gear!

I love Segways—the two-wheel kind—so when Dan put off the booking of excursions during our day in the Bahamas, I found a Segway tour of the beach at Freeport.

We’ve ridden the wonderful balancing machines at seaports and tourist attractions and even at home. We feel confident on Segways. So we already knew about the helmets, kneepads, elbow pads and even the blue sanitary head covering they made us put over our hair. We geared up fairly quickly and went to practice riding in the sand.

Sand is not pavement, as we quickly discovered. We had bounced down a flight of stairs at Nassau and navigated up and down spiral ramps at Corpus Christi. Everywhere we’ve ridden, some of the paths were not paved. But sand is tricky; it moves.

So here I go wheeling through the sand, on a prepared course meant for the initiation of dumb tourists. I hit a soft spot, one wheel went down and the machine threw me off sideways. I landed on my bottom in soft sand so it should have been no big deal. But my foot stayed on the machine until the last possible second, twisting my ankle and wrenching my toe. I remember lying prone in the sand watching my shoe fly up in the air and thinking, “Ouch!”

Our guides had warned us repeatedly about the big boulders, about how we should steer clear lest we even touch them with our wheels. They had girded us up with every protective device. They had warned us about traffic driving on the left side of the road. But they had not warned us about shifting sand.

So I learned some things. Over confidence will get me hurt every time. Just because something looks stable, does not mean it is. Just because I’ve done a thing before, doesn’t mean I still can. Always do the tricky thing on the last day of vacation…just in case. If I have to fall off a Segway, try to fall backwards—not sideways. Always carry arnica and aspirin in my luggage. Always go dancing on the first night of the cruise…just in case. Always be prepared to laugh at myself just in case I wind up looking silly.

But I knew all these things already! I’ve been here before. This is why I pack three zip-close gallon bags with every just-in-case over-the-counter remedy for whatever is going to go wrong.

I’ve also learned I would rather laugh at myself crashed in the sand on a beautiful Bahamas beach than sit home and wish I could. I would rather limp around on a bruised foot than relax in a lounge by the pool. Vacation is not what we do to rest; it is how we expand our horizons. Life is an adventure; bumps are a given.

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